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It’s incredibly valuable to get unvarnished feedback on how you present yourself. And the sad fact is, and we see it in the data, that unvarnished feedback does not cross lines of race or gender. It’s very much a mini-me situation. White, male leaders find it very easy to give lots of informal feedback to people who look like them, but they avoid giving feedback to younger women. They’re afraid that the woman might take it personally. They’re afraid she might sue them if it is personal advice. And the race thing is even harder to touch. It’s as though they are afraid to appear racist. And as a result, younger, high-potential people of color get practically no feedback whatsoever.
So, how do you break into that? And again, we have some tactics. The thing that is the easiest and quickest way into this, is, if you are an ambitious young person who does not look like your boss, give them the green light. Say, “Look, I want all the feedback you can give me, particularly next Wednesday. I’m giving this talk. I am totally prepared, but I’m a little nervous that I don’t have these two things down pat. Can you tell me how it goes, and tell me how I can improve?” In other words, you can take ownership of this feedback thing by giving your manager, your supervisor, your mentor, your sponsor permission and guidance in terms of how much you appreciate that feedback and how you will take it in ways that aren’t personal. And then it happens, and it is the quickest route to lifting your game.