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The first movie I directed “When You Finish Saving the World” starred one of the greatest film actresses of all time, Julianne Moore. And I had never directed a movie before, but I had acted in so many movies, and I know what I wanted from a director as an actor. Ironically, strangely, mystifyingly, I was not providing Julianne Moore with the thing that I so much loved having as an actor. What I love to have as an actor from my leader, from my boss, from the director, is I love them to watch me, help me try new things, but really pay attention to what I’m doing and give feedback on that.
And when I was directing Julianne Moore, I was so intimidated to do exactly what I always want directors to do. I thought she would see me for the fraud that I must be, the person who doesn’t know anything on set and walk off. And so for the first week, I kind of like stayed away from her. I didn’t know if she wanted to talk to me in between. I didn’t know if she wanted me to give feedback or to ask her to try something in a different way. Finally, when I just like, you know, splashed, you know, the proverbial cold water in my face, I realized, no, that’s exactly what of course she wants. That’s what I would want. That’s what anybody would want. In fact, she probably would see me as a much stronger leader if I did give this, you know, feedback to her. So I started giving her some notes and we had the most fun.
Even if you were really intimidated by a colleague who might be more successful, more experienced in their field, it’s good to get over those fears and intimidations, and just learn how to kind of have the most collaboratively effective partnership. I think Julianne Moore is more talented than me. I think she’s, you know, a better actor than I’ll ever be. I think she’s smarter about stories than me. But that was really not helpful. Those thoughts were not very helpful. The helpful thoughts were, “Oh, I have a really funny idea for this scene and this character that she’s playing, and I’m going to tell her what those are now.” She argued back with me, of course, sometimes when she disagreed, which is totally healthy and an important part of the process. And sometimes I would even push her, “No, I really think what you’re doing is right here. Don’t change it. Don’t feel the need to kind of soften this particular thing.”
And it just turned into this great experience of realizing that they probably want that. The reason they’re probably in that position, especially if you’re an actor like her who likes working with directors who are doing it for their first time, they probably like having that collaborative experience, you know, and they’re not probably thinking that I’m an idiot who doesn’t know anything. They’re probably thinking this person is the director. I’m going to take that at face value. I signed onto this movie that this person wrote and told me that they’re going to direct, and I should be able to have like kind of an adult interaction with this person. So, counterintuitively, being intimidated, in awe of somebody might not have the greatest effects on a collaboration.