How to Connect with Anyone
An Introduction to Relational Intelligence
Politeness and pushiness are easy, but true relational intelligence—understanding and creatively communicating with diverse individuals—requires personal growth in self-respect and mutual respect, acknowledging that you cannot change others or their perspectives.
Recognize the 4 Entry Points for Learning
Humans learn differently throughout life, and by recognizing four inquiry styles—Analytic, Procedural, Relational, and Innovative—we can better understand others' perspectives and improve communication, especially during disagreements or distrust.
Three Types of Questions for Helping People Do Amazing Things Together
Relational intelligence hinges on using and interpreting various question types—shadow, open, and bridging questions—to foster connections and understanding, while leaders should cultivate self-awareness and recognize the unique inquiry styles of their team members to enhance collaboration and value.
Bridge Inquiry Styles to Achieve Connection Quickly
To quickly connect with someone new, understand your own inquiry style, listen to the other person's perspective, and find common ground to ensure both parties feel heard and valued.
Build Trust to Make the Impossible Possible
To build trust in relationships, engage in open conversations about expectations and fears, recognize personal narratives that may lead to mistrust, and consciously shift from negative "rut stories" to positive "river stories" that foster understanding and growth.
Keep Relationships Clean to Avoid Resentment
Our relationships generate constant data that we interpret into narratives; by using the C.I.A. process, we can transform negative "rut stories" into positive "river stories" by examining our observations, questioning our assumptions, and seeking clarity with the other person.
Politeness is easy, so is pushiness. Do you know what’s hard? Recognizing people’s diversity and discovering creative ways to communicate with them. Angie McArthur, CEO of Professional Thinking Partners, calls this “relational intelligence.” She has identified crucial differences in how people listen, learn, and collaborate—differences that are at the heart of most misunderstandings in the workplace.
Learning Objectives
- Recognize the role relational intelligence plays at work.
- Use questions to enhance communication.
- Bridge differences and achieve new connections.
- Build trust using “river stories.”
- Maintain relationships using the C.I.A. process.