3 signs your boss is high on “toxic positivity”
- Toxic positivity combines a belief that being optimistic will change an outcome with attempts to deny, minimize, and invalidate what teams are experiencing.
- By practicing toxic positivity, some bosses perpetuate dysfunctional environments without addressing the root causes.
- Here are three major red flags that your boss is embracing toxic positivity.
Being happy and positive at work can be a win-win for employees and organizations. According to University of Oxford research, an extensive study showed that employees are 13% more productive when happy. According to Shawn Achor, the author of The Happiness Advantage, positivity in the workplace, grounded in gratitude and appreciation, can lead to three times more creativity, 23% fewer fatigue symptoms, and 37% greater sales. And finally Better Up, one of the largest mental health and coaching startups, offers that having a positive mind- set can lead individuals to better problem-solve, have a greater ability to adapt to change, and have stronger leadership skills. But what happens when your boss decides to weaponize positivity in the workplace?
Over the course of my career, I have seen bad bosses time and time again practice toxic positivity. No matter how bad or stressful the situation is, or how difficult the circumstances, these bad bosses believe that being optimistic, positive, or thinking positively will change the outcome. They convince themselves of this and spread this toxic positivity to their teams. They deny, minimize, and invalidate what their teams are experiencing. By practicing toxic positivity, they put the responsibility on individuals to try to survive and persevere in broken and dysfunctional environments, without addressing the root causes at hand.
What’s the difference between a boss who is optimistic, practices positive thinking, coaches, and inspires their team and a bad boss who is just filled with toxic positivity?
Here are three things to watch out for to determine if you or someone on your team is embracing toxic positivity.
Bosses who surround themselves with yes people and won’t take no for an answer
“We won’t take no for an answer,” one sales leader I used to work with would always famously say. “No is not an option.” This same sales leader surrounded himself with yes people. People who did not challenge, push back, or question execution of recommendations that didn’t make sense. This team consistently overpromised and underdelivered, quarter after quarter that I worked with them. The sales leader infected everyone around him with toxic positivity who believed anything was possible, even in the face of real business obstacles, shielding the whole team from reality.
In the few cases he was challenged, he would evoke military analogies and say, “Some of the greatest generals never retreated from the battlefield. We are staying on the field.” He was always positive, smiling and upbeat when delivering his repetitive key messages, leaving many wondering if this behavior was harmful if he wasn’t screaming and yelling.
An optimistic leader is balanced in positive thinking and being realistic. Good leaders inspire teams to push for more than they thought they could achieve. They are willing to hear about what’s not working, roll up their sleeves and work with the team to problem-solve and quickly pivot. They know platitudes aren’t going to help to change the reality. They will accept no and accept that indeed failure is an option. Once leaders accept failure, they can reevaluate what to do differently next time around.
Bosses who provide excessive compliments or praise
A leader who is filled with toxic positivity may also shower others with excessive compliments to get them to do what needs to be done. Even if the task at hand is not possible to complete or will cause an individual to sacrifice their physical and emotional well-being to get the work done. They will use praise, compliments, and flattery as forms of manipulation. They may appeal to someone’s people-pleasing tendencies and need to come in to save the day, flattering them into doing what they would like done.
In a market where layoffs will continue, teams will be downsized, and budgets will be cut. And often leaders won’t make the tough calls on what work must stop and what work needs to continue. Individuals will be encouraged to do more with less resourcing, and sometimes it seems everything remains urgent. Toxic positivity can at first seem like a motivator, but over time can negatively affect team morale and productivity.
A leader who is coaching their team will give “always-on” feedback, sharing the strengths and the areas of opportunities consistently. They won’t weaponize positive feedback as a way to manipulate their team members into doing something that isn’t possible. And if a task is indeed possible to complete, but the team member isn’t able to complete it, the leader should sit down and give feedback on what they should focus on.
Bosses who expect people to always be happy no matter what the circumstances
“Why aren’t you smiling? What happened? Don’t worry, be happy!” Most of the time when I received this feedback, nothing had actually happened. I would be just at my desk diligently working, focused and apparently not smiling. But he wanted his team always smiling and always projecting happiness, no matter what the circumstances were.
In uncertain economic times, employees can feel overwhelmed at work by layoffs, hiring freezes, restructuring, controlling costs, colleagues resigning, and missing revenue targets. They can also feel overwhelmed by the increasing costs of childcare, natural disasters occurring in their communities, taking care of an elderly family member, and wars being waged around the world. It can be hard to always practice gratitude and be joyful at work. It can become an unreasonable demand and expectation from leaders.
When we pressure employees to erase how they are really feeling and put on a happy face, this can lead to burnout. After my last experience working for Medusa, when I was labeled a troublemaker and detractor, I stopped sharing my true feelings at work for some time. I buried my feelings while at the same time I felt like I was letting down my team.
Rather than practicing toxic positivity, leaders need to provide space to validate how team members are feeling. Leaders should avoid phrases like “It could be worse” and “Everything happens for a reason” and “Look at the bright side.” Instead, actively listen and offer help and support. “I’m sorry this is happening. How can I help you today? Is there anything I can do for you at work to help support you?”
Remember that optimism and a positive mindset can strengthen our workplaces. However, leading with toxic positivity can backfire. The pressure for your team members to always be happy, have a can-do attitude, and persevere at any cost can be emotionally and physically exhausting. If we don’t intervene and stop ourselves and others from becoming bad bosses, toxic positivity can be a key reason why employees move on from your company. And join a place where they don’t have to pretend that everything is going to be okay, no matter what.
