Why self-understanding is your most valuable leadership asset
- Self-understanding is the foundation of effective leadership.
- External self-awareness describes how well we understand the ways others perceive us.
- It has been estimated that leaders who lack critical aspects of self-understanding are 6.2 times more likely to derail in their career.
Self-understanding is about clarity regarding who we are and what we want as well as understanding how our behaviors affect others. It includes understanding the people, events, and ideas that have shaped our perceptions, what motivates us, what we value, and what we want to accomplish in our time on Earth, both personally and professionally, and what we are willing to trade off to accomplish these things.
Self-understanding is the foundation of effective leadership. However, society doesn’t emphasize self-understanding. With advertisers telling us what we should want and how we should measure success (usually money and the things money can buy), the power of influencers, the desire for “likes” on our social media posts, and often families that push us to “succeed,” we’re taught to chase what others have, to want what others want, and to care more about status and approval than self-understanding, personal growth, or living a meaningful life. Looking externally rather than internally leads to a lack of clarity about who we are and what we want, and this lack of clarity can lead us to make bad decisions.
The benefits of understanding ourselves well are immense for both our personal and professional lives. Organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich has found that “when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We’re less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we’re more effective leaders with more satisfied employees and more profitable companies.” She also found that self-awareness encompasses both internal self-awareness, which involves how well we understand ourselves, how well we know what drives us, and how our behaviors affect others, and external self-awareness, which involves understanding how others perceive us.
Research suggests that many of us don’t understand or manage ourselves well. So how would you know if you’re in this category? There are numerous signs, or tells, that someone is low on self-understanding and -management, including that they tend to be one or more of the following:
- Easily angered or “quick to spark”
- Easily offended, “thin-skinned,” or taking themselves very seriously
- Poor listeners
- Concerned with proving themselves “right” or winning an argument, often at the expense of the relationship
- Highly opinionated or judgmental
- Limited in their emotional vocabulary
- Undisciplined, impulsive, and therefore unpredictable
- Unskilled at understanding someone else’s perspective
- Defensive when receiving feedback
- Lacking in awareness about how their behaviors may be contributing to a difficult situation
- Unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, often blaming others for situations and outcomes
In addition, many people who lack self-understanding feel misunderstood by others; this is because they don’t understand that their behaviors may not align with their intentions and therefore how they come across to others. Many people who lack self-understanding are viewed by others as untrustworthy, which relates to them being unpredictable, impulsive, poor listeners who are unable to understand other people’s perspectives and can’t see how their actions and behaviors are experienced by others. This, of course, can be a leadership problem.
There’s a high price to be paid for this lack of self-understanding. Korn Ferry research has found that leaders who lack critical aspects of self-understanding are 6.2 times more likely to derail in their career. That’s a large penalty for not understanding ourselves.
The importance of self-understanding is also not a new concept. “Know thyself” was carved into the stones near the Temple of Apollo at Delphi back in the seventh century BCE, and ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle taught that “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Self-understanding not only is the foundation for leadership but also helps us be better human beings.
Even with the obvious drawbacks of having a lack of self-awareness, better understanding ourselves can be difficult to do because it’s often emotional work. Some people are uncomfortable with self-reflection, thinking it may stir up memories and emotions from the past. Many people fear being vulnerable while they are acknowledging past hurts, mistakes, or transgressions. Others are unsure how to approach it. And some may think focusing on self-understanding sounds egotistical, self-absorbed, a bit “woo-woo,” useless, or even selfish. In fact, it’s none of the above. Rather than being self-absorbed or selfish, it’s a form of kindness. It’s kind to ourselves to understand what drives us and therefore how to put ourselves in positions where we will thrive because they fit with our strengths, interests, and values. It’s also kind to others we live and work with, for self-understanding helps us show up more consistently, comfortably, and genuinely, which helps build trust and long-term, productive relationships.
Leadership emerges from our life story and our unique portfolio of experiences, influences, ways of thinking, values, and ambitions. Once we know who we are, we have our foundation. From there, we can envision the next level of ourselves as a leader and as a person, and determine what behaviors and skills we need to develop to become that person. And then the work of changing our approach and behaviors begins, which is real work. Hard work. But it all begins with the insight gained from understanding ourselves.
